English nature?

So I don't know if it's just because I'm English or what but I always feel like I'm being a nuisance to people!
I'm pretty sure the English are well known for being reserved and polite and I've never felt more like it lately.

See I always go to ask my American friend Annie stuff, but then I just don't because I feel like I'm being a nuisance! And she's already told me before that I'm not and it's fine, but I still feel that way! I'm pretty sure I should try and get over this but I just can't help it. She's already been so ridiculously nice to me that I feel like I'm asking too much for anything else!

I mean, she barely even knows me and already offered to drive me from the airport to Logan and even to stay with her family for Christmas. I can't tell you how flabbergasted (it was the only word I could think of aha) I was to get a reception like that! Just try and imagine someone doing that here! It's unheard of, and I dare not ask anything about it because of course, I just feel like that's just plain rude! You don't just ask things like that in England, it's just not done! But from what I've heard that's how it's done in America. I can't even imagine how awkward I'll feel. I don't know, I just feel like I'm intruding? But I don't think she knows how much I appreciate what she's offered, I mean staying with her family for Christmas? I hope I do get to, well I know for a fact that I can't come home, but to experience Christmas with an American family? A different perspective in a different culture? She's already said that they're excited, and I hope they still want me to go as I'm excited too. I hope to meet them and hope that they want to meet me too! My only worry is that people tend to promise me things and then go back on them. I desperately hope that's not the case. If I do get to, then that's already one point in America's favour.

Urghh it's frustrating! I can't even explain how nervous I get aha. The thing is as well, my family are just like Americans then. We go out of our way to help other people! My family would offer for someone to stay for Christmas, drive people places. Basically bend over backwards to help others. The only thing that has generally gotten both me and my family is to get, and forgive my French here, fucked over. But it seems to work in America?

Maybe that's why I've always been obsessed with America. Because it's so like me, I'm outgoing usually, outspoken, loud and always happy to help others. The only problem is that here in England it screws me over. I mean I can count on my hand the number of people I think care about me. I'm beginning to hate life because I just feel like I get screwed over by everyone and everything in it. That's why I'm hoping that America will change me, or at least be the place where I can be myself again.

I hope that I meet more people like Annie who are so willing and happy to help someone they barely even know. I hope that I can find myself in America again, as silly and cliché as that sounds, because unfortunately I'm losing myself in England. I want friends who are outspoken like me and encourage me to actually do stuff instead of just letting me sit in my room all day and waste away. I hope that when I go out to town, I get to go out with friends instead of by myself. It's a terrifying thought that I'll be nearly 5,000 miles away from home, and the sad fact is that the only thing I'd miss is my family. I'm ready to grow my wings in a sense and see what's available to me.

I moved away from home nearly 150 miles away to try and find myself. I became independent, but I didn't find myself. In fact I lost myself instead, I love Leicester and I love university. I love Georgie and Emma, but that's all I have to show for my step out of my comfort zone. So maybe an entirely different country will be it. My only worry? What if I hate it and can't come for nearly a year? My other worry? What if I make the best friends ever and never want to come back? Have to leave them back in America and come back here? I don't know.

So I think in conclusion to this ridiculously long, angtsy post, I can surmise that I'm excited and nervous for America. There are people there that I can't wait to meet, like seriously I can't wait to meet Annie again and just thank her in person for offering to do all this amazing stuff. I just can't wait to go. I'm just getting bored of life right now. I need something to spice it up, and though most people would laugh at the thought of Utah of all places being the place to spice up anyone's life, I think it will for me. I've idolised the place already, I'm just hoping it won't let me down.

Hmm

So I don't even think anyone reads this blog, I kinda wish they did. I like writing stuff. If you do, give me a shout so I know someone does!

Had a busy day today; handed in bank details to the history department so I can get paid for talking, got an advance cheque on my paycheck, put the money into my savings account, got a statement of my savings account printed off so I can send it off to America, applied for a credit card so I can actually buy my visa and for anything I need over in America, called the tax office and got my tax code changed so I won't get taxed, called my LEA only to find out they have nothing to do with the year abroad so called student finance and found out I can get a travel grant to help with flight costs! Which I'm uber thankful about.

So yeah, that was my day. Busy busy, trying to write a one page statement about why going to Utah State will help me achieve my academic and professional goals. Ahh I hate writing this stuff

Kawaii!

Oh my god so, if you know me, then you know that I LOVE Japanese and Korean stuff. I mean like, I'm totally obsessed with K-Pop, sometimes it's just so much better than Western music! My favourite bands at the minute are as follows:

Co-Ed School

Girl's Generation

SHINee

There are soooo many more bands I love but I won't put pictures up as that's just ridiculous. But I'll give a shorter list so you can get an idea: f(x), Heart & Mind (HAM), miss A, BoA and there's plenty of others. You should check it out, Korean music is awesomeeee. 

As well as Korean music, I'm pretty much in love with all things Japanese. I'd love to go to Japan one day because it's so quirky and weird and I just love it! I love anime and manga, my A-Level media coursework was on anime. I think I got this from my dad as he loves anime too. Some of my favourite anime series/movies:

Fruit's Basket

Hellsing

Vampire Knight

Other favourites: Rosario + Vampire, Death Note, Sailor Moon, Ghost In The Shell Stand Alone Complex, Devil May Cry. Some of my favourite anime films are Ghost In The Shell, Akira, Princess Mononoke, My Neighbour Totoro, Whisper of the Heart and so many more. Japanese anime is seriously awesome. 

I took Japanese for four years in high school, I can't remember most of it but I can remember some stuff. Whenever I watch anime and I recognise hiragana or katakana or just words like oishii (tasty) or kawaii (cute) it always makes me really happy! 

But I love Japanese culture, I mean look at these clothes!

I mean seriously, super kawaiii! 

Well that's enough about my Asian obsession.

Arigato gozaimasu, konbanwa, sayounara! 

Tired

So, Sunday night I didn't sleep at all and got up at 7:30 to get into Uni for 9. I think in like...35 hours or something stupid I had 1 1/2 hours sleep. Because I'm just hardcore.
Never again I swear.
But then I fell asleep the next night at 12:30am, which is like..the earliest I've gone to sleep since I was like..5 or something. Then woke up at 8:40am of my own accord which I thought was pretty cool.

I worked last night too, and am working tonight, tomorrow and Friday. Boo. It was quite busy last night to be honest, I've never served so many J2O's or Red Bulls, we went through so many! It was a roller disco which looked quite cool. Took us barely any time to clean up which pleased me. And then I just slep today, because I'm lazy. I finished a book last night so I really don't care if I slept late. It's what I do.

I love these.

Tiny picture I know. But they're gorgeous and more-ish.