English nature?

So I don't know if it's just because I'm English or what but I always feel like I'm being a nuisance to people!
I'm pretty sure the English are well known for being reserved and polite and I've never felt more like it lately.

See I always go to ask my American friend Annie stuff, but then I just don't because I feel like I'm being a nuisance! And she's already told me before that I'm not and it's fine, but I still feel that way! I'm pretty sure I should try and get over this but I just can't help it. She's already been so ridiculously nice to me that I feel like I'm asking too much for anything else!

I mean, she barely even knows me and already offered to drive me from the airport to Logan and even to stay with her family for Christmas. I can't tell you how flabbergasted (it was the only word I could think of aha) I was to get a reception like that! Just try and imagine someone doing that here! It's unheard of, and I dare not ask anything about it because of course, I just feel like that's just plain rude! You don't just ask things like that in England, it's just not done! But from what I've heard that's how it's done in America. I can't even imagine how awkward I'll feel. I don't know, I just feel like I'm intruding? But I don't think she knows how much I appreciate what she's offered, I mean staying with her family for Christmas? I hope I do get to, well I know for a fact that I can't come home, but to experience Christmas with an American family? A different perspective in a different culture? She's already said that they're excited, and I hope they still want me to go as I'm excited too. I hope to meet them and hope that they want to meet me too! My only worry is that people tend to promise me things and then go back on them. I desperately hope that's not the case. If I do get to, then that's already one point in America's favour.

Urghh it's frustrating! I can't even explain how nervous I get aha. The thing is as well, my family are just like Americans then. We go out of our way to help other people! My family would offer for someone to stay for Christmas, drive people places. Basically bend over backwards to help others. The only thing that has generally gotten both me and my family is to get, and forgive my French here, fucked over. But it seems to work in America?

Maybe that's why I've always been obsessed with America. Because it's so like me, I'm outgoing usually, outspoken, loud and always happy to help others. The only problem is that here in England it screws me over. I mean I can count on my hand the number of people I think care about me. I'm beginning to hate life because I just feel like I get screwed over by everyone and everything in it. That's why I'm hoping that America will change me, or at least be the place where I can be myself again.

I hope that I meet more people like Annie who are so willing and happy to help someone they barely even know. I hope that I can find myself in America again, as silly and cliché as that sounds, because unfortunately I'm losing myself in England. I want friends who are outspoken like me and encourage me to actually do stuff instead of just letting me sit in my room all day and waste away. I hope that when I go out to town, I get to go out with friends instead of by myself. It's a terrifying thought that I'll be nearly 5,000 miles away from home, and the sad fact is that the only thing I'd miss is my family. I'm ready to grow my wings in a sense and see what's available to me.

I moved away from home nearly 150 miles away to try and find myself. I became independent, but I didn't find myself. In fact I lost myself instead, I love Leicester and I love university. I love Georgie and Emma, but that's all I have to show for my step out of my comfort zone. So maybe an entirely different country will be it. My only worry? What if I hate it and can't come for nearly a year? My other worry? What if I make the best friends ever and never want to come back? Have to leave them back in America and come back here? I don't know.

So I think in conclusion to this ridiculously long, angtsy post, I can surmise that I'm excited and nervous for America. There are people there that I can't wait to meet, like seriously I can't wait to meet Annie again and just thank her in person for offering to do all this amazing stuff. I just can't wait to go. I'm just getting bored of life right now. I need something to spice it up, and though most people would laugh at the thought of Utah of all places being the place to spice up anyone's life, I think it will for me. I've idolised the place already, I'm just hoping it won't let me down.